Twas the Nitro Before Christmas

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by Greg Ryan

'Twas the nitro before Christmas,
last race of the year
staging lanes were all loaded,
track surface was clear

A pair of fuel funnies
rolled into the bleach,
tipped into their throttles,
and deafening was each

The pair grooved and staged,
the Christmas tree blinked
and when it flashed green,
both were off in a wink

Less than 4 seconds later,
thousand feet were behind
chutes blossomed and billowed,
both cars qualified

The next pair was ready,
then to the next class
the day drifted on,
pass after glorious pass

Ladders were filled,
contenders shut down
spectators were edgy,
round after fiery round

Eliminations commenced,
last race bragging rights
top fuels, funnies,
pro stocks and bikes

Who will be crowned
at the end of this day?
Who will be champion?
Will the underdog hold sway?

The final rounds were nigh,
as a twinkle appeared
in the sky above staging,
'twas a sleigh and eight deer!

It was jolly Santa
come to watch the last round
of the last race this year,
His reindeer touched down

He stepped off his sleigh,
and approached he, the Tree
every man, woman, and child
overcome with great glee

Claus motioned the last pair
to burnout and stage,
as if he had done so
since Wally first raced

The top bulbs lit up,
the amber lights fell
Santas beard and coat billowed,
zoomies barked as from hell

Just mere seconds later,
a win light shone clear
Santa had witnessed
the last race of the year

The winners circle party
was just like the Eve
of the very first Christmas,
when children believed

In a jolly old race fan
in a candy red sleigh,
a deer-powered hot rod,
round the world in a day

The winners were gifted
with the praise of this man,
as Santa himself passed
Wallies into their hands

As the celebration rolled onward,
Santa said "I must leave"
He is busy tonight,
spreading joy on this Eve

The crowd looked bewildered
as he climbed in his sled,
and he called to the reindeer
as they all lurched ahead

He snapped the reigns quickly,
as the sleigh rose and flew
with blinding speed soaring,
silhouetting the moon

Santa's glistening rig
headed straight for the clouds,
but before it would vanish,
his big voice rang out loud

"Congratulations all winners!
'Til next year's points fight!
Merry Christmas to all,
I'll be back next Christmas night!"

by maggie doodah

Twas the Nitro Before Christmas and all from the pits
were getting suited and ready for great runs on the strips

The tools and the dragsters, and funny cars too
were polished and readied for Kalitta fans just like you

The elves of the #1 hard working crew(s), such as Jeff, Trucker Mike and Tom, to mention only a few;
have loaded  the Kalitta "sleighs" to get everyone through

Out of the darkness a thunderous noise arose
and the strong smell of Nitro made us cover our ears and nose

As the bright moon rises over Kalitta Motorsports we magically see a raceway with a race about to start;
with NHRA officials and Safety Safari ready to do their part

And from the sky - is it Santa?
No, not yet
It's our great American Flag which we never will forget!

ARE YOU READY?!

Up on he line there's again such a roar
It's the warming of engines and burnouts and smoke
I'm so excited I feel I may choke

Santa again?  No it's Connie, by the beautiful Christmas tree on the line
The oldest and wisest of all by this time

Then there's Jim O., Del Worsham, Jon, Doug, and Grubby, Jeff, and Alexis, and other top guns;
To aid in the warmups and help start the runs

Let's not forget Scott, who we know wouldn't miss
Such a special occasion like this

All are tense getting ready to "Go
Full Throttle or Go Home" and miss cylinder glow

The staging lights change - In an instant they're off!
With visions of holeshots and #1 wins as their thought

All drivers agree they'll not forget this night, shouting as they go -
MERRY NHRAMAS TO ALL - AND TO ALL A GOOD LIGHT!

by Sandra Vucinich


'Twas the night before racing, qualifications were done,

Drivers and crew were sleeping, every single one;
Dragsters and funny cars were tuned with precise care,

In hopes that all Wallys soon would be there.

Team Kalitta was ready to get down the track,

With the rest of the contenders seeing only their back;
With Kalitta Team sponsers displayed with pride,
Their trademark logos would be on a fast ride.

When back at the track there arose such a clatter,

It was time to break records, nothing else would matter.

Away to the starting line Connie flew like a flash,
John Force starting the race, was he getting more cash?

Burn outs were laying rubber down,

Red, yellow then green,
No reaction time frown would ever be seen.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But Grubnic and Doug racing each other with cheer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

Could Connie be back, it can't be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his racers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, top fuel dragsters! now, funny car too!

On, Doug! on Grubnic! on Arend! Go team!

Now race away! race away! race away all!"

Doug's nitro flames brightened the sky,

Schumacher's car blew up, this race he can't buy.

So up up the funny car body flew,

With Arend the best driver, everybody knew.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw on the track,

John Force was driving too, he'd made a great comeback.

As I thouht in my head of the changing odds,

Down the track they went, next came the pro mods.

The drivers were geared for safety from their head to thier feet,

I pray for safe journey each time they meet.

Force is an inspiration to all at the track,

But Team Kalitta won, way ahead of the pack.

Connie's eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His mouth was agape as he cheered with a smile,

And the fans went berserk over that quarter mile;

The trophy, a Wally, he held tight in his fist,

The contender's car limped out of sight with a list.

Connie had a broad face and a big round belly,

But no cowboy hat, he's not running Nellie Bellie.

He was chubby and plump, as jolly as an elf,

With decades of contributions to NHRA,
He should be proud of himself.

The fans looking to the next season ahead,

With Team Kalitta, I know I have nothing to dread;

Gator Nationals are coming,
Team Kallita went straight to their work,

The cars will run smoothly without even a jerk,

At Gainseville's fast track, the cars run nose to nose,

And to this challenge Team Kalitta rose.

After winning in Gainsville, the point spread will widen,

Not even the Swamp Rat could alter the ride in.

And I heard Connie exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"I'm sleeping with our Wally's by my pillow tonight."

by Chris Wilt

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shop
Not a crewmember was stirring, not even Pork Chop;
Their Rocky’s were drying by the back door with care,
In hopes that the Bounty Hunter soon would be there;
The drivers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of win lights danced in their heads;

Jon O wearing earplugs and a new Jegs cap,
with his head on his desk – enjoying a nap,
When out by the dumpster arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
To the window I flew, just like a bird;
Banged my knee on the corner and screamed a bad word.

The parking lot lights gave an ugly orange glow
“The hell’s all the noise?” , I just had to know.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
The Bounty Hunter himself; flew from Oscoda to here!
When I saw the red stripes and the DHL yellow,
I knew at that moment that this was the fellow.

Like a low ET lap, his people they came,
And he cussed, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Hey, Jim O! Alexis! Oh, Jon O, my boy!
Where’s Dougie? Get Jeff! Find Riola and Troy!
We need to go testing and not soon enough....

Cause’ winning two titles is gonna’ be tough"

So they loaded the race cars and closed up the hauler
If Connie’s girlfriends start asking, just tell them .... “he’ll call her”.

With the help of Mac Tools, the wins will accrue;
Having Tequila Patron will surely help too.
I read “Fischer Honda” from my distance afar,
Are those Optima Batteries?  – why surely they are!

As I scratched my head, and was turning around,
Right through the air vent, Conrad came with a bound.
Sporting Kalitta Air logos, from his head to his foot,
His shirt was kinda’ tarnished with clutch dust and soot;
A bag full of Wallys he had flung on his back,
He seemed so intense, like he does at the track.

But his eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
Despite all the stories, the guy’s not so scary!
He was actually smiling; rather shocking I know;

The hair on his head was as white as the snow;
A toothpick he held, rather tight in his teeth,
I could see the Technicoat logo on his shirt underneath;

He had a broad face and a protruding large belly,
I could smell burning rubber, and boy was it smelly!
He was chubby and plump, whoah - this guy eats!
His favorite place to rest is Candlewood Suites;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Seeing him in short pants - is something you’ll dread!

He spoke not a word, and got right to work,
As he polished the Wally’s, his face showed a smirk.
While displaying a finger in an “interesting” pose,
I still don’t know how; but up the air vent he rose;
Before hopping a plane, to his team he said, “....Later!”,
He sent an email to Grubby, saying “make it go straighter”.

But I did hear him say just before he got in......
"Merry Christmas to all, lets go for the win!"

by Ken Robinson

'Twas the night before Christmas, and out in the garage
Wrenches were turning, nary a pause

Fuel lines were run on the sled with care
Hoping St. Nick's Crate Hemi would soon be sucking air

The Reindeer were now retired but children don't dread
St. Nick had a new Elephant to power that sled

Rudolph still helped, with distributor and cap
The elves with new sparkplugs, setting the gap

With a turn of the key it fired without stammer
Billet rockers tapping away like beautiful hammers

With a holeshot St. Nick was off in a Flash
It felt so good to give that loud pedal a mash

And soon He was off burning up Snow
With 8 Cylinders firing that sleigh sure did go

He realized very soon something was clear
Horsepower is better than 8 crappy deer

The Sled was now fun being so quick
A mile wide grin hung on St. Nick

So Beautiful the Zoomies Crackling with flame
The Components he sang out, all by name

On Holley, On MSD, On  Moroso, On Lokar
On Comp Cams, On Champion Sparkplugs fire that Mopar!

A beautiful rumble came from the firewall
Which ensured presents were delivered to all

The new Nitrous system really made the sleigh fly
To the point it was just a red streak in the sky

So quick between houses the sleigh now flew
Nick thought to himself I should hire a crew

Coming in hot on my garage's roof
The reason for stopping wasn't a spoof
He didn't have to look far cause I was around.
Working on my Road Runner is where I was found.

So on went the jacket the scarf and the boots.
I jumped in the sleigh to help distribute the loot.

I cracked a smile as I looked in the back
A 40 pound bottle mounted next to his sack

A sleigh with all that power can get kind of hairy
Even with wheelie bars the skis will carry

Stopping was equally bad in so much Snow.
Next year I'm suspecting new brakes, maybe Brembo

It was amazing to see the world underneath
Cruising though the night sky Hemi power by Keith
His Red Simpson suit fit tight on his belly
His driving reminded me of somebody, maybe Parnelli?

The new horsepower must have inspired the old elf
He placed new cylinder heads on a hot rodders shelf

And while children slept tight in their beds
We were making power courtesy of Hemispherical Heads.

We had so much fun it wasn't even work
Holeshots off roof tops moving us about with a jerk

But that's where the story ends, just how it goes
I was lucky to be a hot rod elf with a wind burnt nose

St. Nick dropped me off with a wink and a whistle
Then shot away like the Motown Missle

As the Elephant thundered on, he bellowed as he drove out of sight
Horsepower is the best gift of all on this Merry Christmas night!

THE FINAL  BEFORE CHRISTMAS

By Wayne & Joan Breimann

'Twas the night before the Finals , when all through the pits,
Not a crewman was stirring, not even “Garlits”;

The tools were hung by the boxes with care,
In hopes that St. Connie soon would be there;

The crew were nestled all snug on their creepers,
While visions of Scott’s love and Wally's danced in their peepers;

Mike Dunn in his headphones, Paul Page in the booth,
Had just settled down for a long winter's snooze.

When out on the starting line there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the creeper to see what was the matter.

Away to the track I ran like a flash,
Tore up to the tower and threw up the sash.

The moon on Nitro Alley with new-fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the “Christmas Tree” below.

When, what to my watering eyes should appear,
But a DHL Funny Car, stuck in first gear.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Connie, with good ole Grubnic.

More rapid than Team Schumacher his Drivers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Jim! now, Jon! now, Jeff and Doug!
On, Del ! on Alexis! on, Nick and “The Grub”!

To the end of the Track, stay away from the Wall!
Now leave on the green, Full Throttle and all!"

Stay in the groove and you will fly,
When you see the win light,reach for the sky

So up to the finish line, the drivers they flew,
Eight pipes of flame and St. Connie too.

And then in 4.048 seconds, I heard on the Track,
A burst panel and chute pulling it back!

As Safety Safari was turning around,
Down to the pits, St. Connie came with a bound.

He was dressed  in fire-suit from his head to his foot,
And his helmet and gloves were all covered with clutch dust and soot.

A bundle of “Mac Tools” he had flung on his back,
He looked like the “Bounty Hunter”  just opening his pack.

His eyes  how they  sparked like a “Champion”! his dimples seemed lower!
His cheeks were like wrinkle-up slicks, his nose like a blower!

His droll little mouth had a slight little smile,
An “Optima Battery” would help him win that quarter mile.

With Team’s John and Don on the Ladder,
with St. Connie’s Nitro Cars; it really wouldn't matter!!

For under his “Techni-coat”  the elves they had put,
All the great sponsors with “Rocky Boots” on his foot.

He is an Icon and a Legend in the NHRA;

At Reading I froze when I heard him say “Hey”

A shake of his hand and nod from his head,
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread.

He climbed the ladder and went straight to his work,
All the other fuelies ran, with a shutter and jerk,

His Red Line Oil gave him no grief,
For there in the Winner Circle stood a Wally and Dave Reiff.

He sprang on his Fischer Honda to Candlewood Suites,
Soon on Kalitta Air, testing next week.

I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight “I hope to make Top Ten”,

And I can’t wait to be on ESPN!!

With a last little nod before he left town:
"Merry Christmas to all - We’ll be on top in the Fall!!